The Ethics of Milkshaking

A strange new trend has developed recently, one of dousing political figures in various delicious brands of milkshake. It has of course fired up discourse between the commentariat and pundits trying to paint these incidents as violent, border-line fascist action designed to curtail free speech by "the left/liberals/insert right-wing boogeyman here". This is ostensible bollocks and it's a red-herring to boot because it's typically the case that the person making these claims has expressed a detestable opinion and is personally offended by the response of their audience rather than actually being a victim of anything; it's a means deflecting criticism. Conservatives and the far-right love trying to play the victim card.

Celebrity voices such as Gary Lineker and Julia Hartley-Brewer have condemned these acts with placative banalities such as "You shouldn't throw milkshake over people you disagree with!" and "The way to voice your contempt is at the ballot box!". How droll.

Ordinarily I might concede that this is the right course of action if it were a mere disagreement, but here's the thing: we're not dealing with ordinary, run-of-the-mill politicians and mere disagreements. We're talking about the Farages, Robinsons and the Sargon of Akkads, Britain First, UKIP, the EDL and their ilk.

Politicians like the aforementioned have spent decades villainising, dehumanising and marginalising Muslims, immigrants, Jews and LGBT people by using often violent, vitriolic and inciteful rhetoric, polemic and propaganda techniques and they have shown no sign of changing their views when challenged or called out. Take Farage's "Breaking Point" billboard for example, the similarity to Nazi propaganda is no accident.

Violence is endemic to their ideology. Let's not forget that Tommy Robinson was the one who radicalised Darren Osborne, he constantly harasses and doorsteps innocent people whilst Farage actually threatened to "Don khaki and take up arms" if he didn't get his way with Brexit. He actually gloated that Brexit had been won "without a single shot being fired". Did he accidentally forget about the murder of Jo Cox just weeks prior?

Debating these people doesn't work, they offer no right of reply and it only affords them a platform to spread their horse-manure ideology. So what do we do? Endlessly argue for the rights of others? Outright violence would afford them victim-hood status and thus garner sympathy so... enter the humble milkshake.

Humiliation tactics work and they work well. Embarrassment and ridicule are two great ways to lower the status of your target, to knock them down a peg or two and shame them. This is a language that they are unfamiliar with and cannot comprehend when it happens to themselves despite using it to denigrate others. Far-right conservatives and fascists are the real snowflakes, you see, so cries of "you're shutting down my free speech!" will be met with further ridicule because it's just a fucking milkshake you absolute melt, dry your eyes. Milkshakes are harmless, chucking a milkshake is not equivalent to decades of violent rhetoric.

It basically boils down to this - when you continue to perpetuate already debunked lies, continue to demonise vulnerable minorities, refuse to be scrutinised by claiming any attempt at scrutiny is a violation of your right to free speech (Farage banned Channel 4 from the Brexit Party because they asked difficult questions, for fuck's sake), you accept "donations" from shady, undisclosed sources, you admit by virtue of the above that the time for political discourse is over. At that point you absolutely deserve the humiliation of a milkshake drenching your Hugo Boss suit. Why should anyone accept your sewer level politics?

And to all you reactionaries out there saying "It could be acid in the cup! Or a Molotov!" - It never is and never should be. Hopefully the use of milkshakes mean that Molotov's never become necessary. 

That's why it's ethical. Humiliation tactics over violence every time.